Oops

I have started to realize that I always make Chris sound like he's the devil. He really isn't anything like I probably make him sound to be. He is a GREAT guy. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. But like any normal human being he isn't perfect!

I can't believe I'm still upset with him...

It always seems like I start making progress and then something happens and I take about ten steps back. My discussion with Chris last night is still bothering me. Some of the things he said really made me mad and make me wonder. It bothers me that he is not able to say "no" because it is "not in his character". Please! If some girl threw herself at him, would he tell her no or stand there and take it? That is a very extreme example, but I can't think of any other one at the moment. Okay, what happened was we were at the park playing raquetball. After we were there awhile, these two girls that we know from school showed up. (Nichole and Cheryl) Now I'm friendly with both of them and so is Chris but I am not close to them whatsoever. Cheryl is really good at raquetball and I knew she was going to ask Chris to play against her. I wasn't going to have any of that. I told him very forcefully (which I regret now) that he was to not play with her. (In private of course)Of course she asked and he muttered a "we'll see" or something. After about 15 minutes Nichole and Cheryl left. Now probably everybody is wondering why that would bother me. I didn't want to watch him play this game against a girl laughing and having a grand ol' time! It just really bugged me. Like I said before, I regret making my feelings known so forcefully. I didn't mean to sound controlling. It just came out that way on accident. I wasn't trying to add to his discomfort of the situation. I am sorry for that. I'm not sorry for expressing my feelings to him, however. I know he wouldn't have wanted me to play a game against some guy that we both knew and one that he wasn't very close with. He says I'm making an issue out of nothing. Maybe I am, but it really bothered me that he was giving me such crap about being concerned. And he made some statements that were a little fishy. I don't know. He told me to forget what he said and that he didn't mean it the way they came out, but it is not that easy to forget things someone says that really bothers you.**Beware! I run off on a tangent here**Talk about giving him trust! I've basically put my whole future in his hands. That is trust! I'm going to the college he wants to go to so we can be together. I'm giving up being a career oriented woman (that doesn't bother me at all though). I think I've given him enough trust for now. I don't think I'll be able to completly trust until we tie the knot. (Whenever the hell that is...I'm going to be freakin' thirty before I get married.) Now nobody comment to me about how I'm being foolish because I'm not. You're not me. I know this relationship. I don't know if I should see him today. I don't know if I even want to speak to him. I have a class at 6 tonight but I could see him before or after. I don't know if I want to. I'm not very happy right now.He always complains about how I haven't given him my trust. He sure didn't help himself last night.

*sings* I'm drowning...drowning in a sea of algebra... */sings*

*Sigh* I am sooo tired right now but I want to finish my math homework. I have been working on this crap since one o'clock today and I'm still not done. I have about five problems that I have no idea how to do. *Dazes out* I don't want to save it for tomorrow because I have a whole slew of classes tomorrow and probably homework too. It doesn't help that this stupid free subscription to BCA is turning out to be more of a pain then a help. I'm supposed to get free tutorials and I can have one-on-one time with a tutor for help, but everytime I try to do something I can't register for it. This sucks. I guess I'll have to write tech support again. They are going to start loving me... This tutoring thing should be good though because they work straight out of the book I'm actually using in class. I just wish I had access to it... GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! I don't want to go to school. I liked summer. I liked sleeping and not having a care in the world. I should make a mix CD of all of the songs that were popular this summer so I can listen to it next summer and get all nostalgic. Okay, I'm going to take a shower and then maybe tackle those problems again... or maybe I'll just sleep. ;)