A New Start...

Well, I've finally updated! And trust me, it's long over due! So much has happened in my life since November of 2000 until now. But, I'm not going to go into a long, drawn out, history or anything. I'm just going to start from my feelings today because that is what's important.I was reading the paper today and saw an article about the Huntington banks and how they are being closed here in Florida and I thought of Chris's dad. I can't believe something as horrible as he being let go could happen! It's extremely scary. A thought that hit me today was "What if they have to move??" I could never survive if Chris and his family moved away. I would certainly die a long and painful death. Just not seeing Chris for a day is hard enough, what would I do if I could rarely NEVER see him? The thought itself makes me want to cry.All these dreams are popping up at night from the "Reborn Again" process. I guess my brain is giving me a look from Chris's point of view and how what I have done affects him. I'm only sad that it didn't occur to me until now; after four months of us going out. And why is he always so dark and almost evil like in my dreams?? I don't think I've ever had one where Chris has been his normal self. What does that mean? Last nights consisted of sort of in a nut shell, me taking advantage of the fact that him and I are going to be together forever. Maybe I have been like that. Maybe that's why I never cared how other people (mainly other guys) saw me. But that is definatly not a good attitude. And it angers me to know that I took our relationship for granted.....but maybe I'm being to extreme here. It's so hard to put what I'm feeling and that whole dream into words. I just need to see him and talk to him because then I will know that everything is okay and we are going to make it.